Standards

I didn't think this would happen but after about a year without cable, we've finally hit threshold of good television available on Netflix. (And trust me we've watched everything.) So the other night we settled on the show 'Hoarders' for two reasons: 1) it had a lot of episodes and 2) we were desperate.

As we were watching the first episode, one lady had a severe problem with hoarding food. So much of a problem that she had a rotten pumpkin in her living room that she couldn't part with. The other was a family who hoarded everything and cleaned nothing. Both houses were extreme. 

About 30 minutes into the show, Bryan turned to me and said "This makes me feel so much better about our house."

At first I took this as an insult -- our house isn't ANYWHERE NEAR those houses. Sure we have unfolded laundry in a basket and some dishes in the sink, but I've never let a pumpkin die a slow and terrible death anywhere in our house. I have standards. But then I took it as a compliment. I've married a man with low standards of housekeeping and I couldn't be happier. I think we're going to make it. 

This Much We Know

B and I decided that we should write a book about marriage entitled: "This Much We Know or How to Stay Together Forever." it would only have 3 pages and the first two would be pictures of us, most likely running towards each other in a grassy field. The third page would have these simple rules:

1. If you would like to have bedroom time, do not try out new impersonations of people you know, especially relatives.

2. If your house smells like hotgarbagetrashcanmelt, go ahead and check the trash before blaming the aforementioned smell on your partner's bad breath. This tip alone will save your marriage.

3. If you happen to get into a fight, be the first one to laugh. Yes, your partner will automatically think that he's won, but you got the last laugh. (wink)

4. Dinner can be cooked by anyone in the marriage.

5. Always remember the golden rule: tis better to give, than to receive. And by give I mean shop, and by receive I mean to save. Just make sure the spending is fair. And by fair I mean 60% to the wife, 30% to the husband, 10% to the wife.

6. Maybe the most important rule of all -- do not ever pronounce marriage as "mawwaige" especially before the words counseling or vows.

If only...

...Bryan loved me like Spencer loves Heidi.

Now that's dedication.

Well we've been married for 365 days now and that officially makes us a) awesome and b) professional marriage counselors. So seriously, if you have any questions, we can help you. For a price, that is, we are professionals now.

Skeen in the New Year!

With 2009 right around the corner, I'm feeling the new year's resolution itch. You know most people like to make resolutions of things to do like lose weight or stop smoking or stop itching, in my case. Not Bryan and I. We like to make resolutions of things that we aren't going to do. That way we can't fail at resolutions. Take that all you fatties who get suckered into those gym memberships that you use for like one month and then you stop going. We ain't failing this year, 2009. We're not making resolutions this year, we're making a revolution.

So, 2009, here is our list of what we promise not to do this year:

1. Do drugs. (But don't ask us to give up our wine.)


2. Have a baby.


3. Steal things from our neighbors. (We've looked through their stuff -- it's not that good. )


4. Cut our hair. (That's right, amish-style.)


5. Start our own business. (Our corndog stand idea didn't work out this past year...so we're given up on our dream of a frozen banana stand. for now at least. of course you know what they say: when life gives you lemons, eat a frozen banana dipped in chocolate.)


6. Lose any weight. (Let's be honest, it's hard.)


7. Gain any weight. (and by not gaining weight, I mean baby weight)
   
8. Invest in anything. (Penny for your stocks?)


9. Have a baby.


10. Go green. (One word: we don't care enough. And this year we're going blue. Figure that one out.)

I wish you all good luck. And when you fail, you'll be thanking us for reversing this sick joke called new year's resolutions.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

"Saving money makes me laugh..."

Today Bryan told me that he thinks savings accounts are a funny thing.

I'm still waiting for the punch line.

You say Tomato, I say Pizza.

I said I wanted a salad for dinner. Bryan's response? "You want to go to Mr. Gatti's...or CiCi's?"

At this point, I'm not even sure he proposed to me. I think we both showed up at the chapel on the same day, at the same time.

Mr. Gatti's for a salad? I do.

Mean Skeen Cleaning Machine

Do you know how we tell that it's time to do laundry in the Skeen household? When socks and panties start falling out of our pants in public. That means we've worn that pair of pants one too many times.

I hope you are laughing at this point, because this is a serious matter. Tonight a sock fell out of Bryan's pants and sure enough when I got home, I looked in the laundry room we had a pile of dirty clothes waiting to be washed. Works everytime.

Some people use calendars to keep their lives in order, we use dirty laundry.