Lucky Dog

I just spilled all of Carlos's food -- and I mean ALL of his food.

Of course, this wasn't really a problem for him.

Oh Carlos, always the optimist.

O.B.P.

I hate office birthday party's. I really do. I'm pretty sure hell is an employee-only birthday party at a dentist office with cream cheese icing cupcakes and NO water.

Anyways, we had this birthday party today at work for the new girl and boy was it fun. Just kidding, it wasn't. So 25 awkward minutes later we all start to move towards the trash can and back to our work when I turn to the new girl and offer up my best "happy b-day." she then turns to me and says the best response i have ever heard to a happy birthday:

"Thanks! It was really good to see your face today."

A slow "okay" came out of my mouth as she hopped along on her weird little way. I love that this girl thought that I actually wanted to come to her office birthday party and then thanked me for coming. I then felt bad that I didn't bring a gift. I might leave one on her desk tomorrow. But what to give someone you don't really know?

I know! I"ll leave a headshot of myself. That was she can say "It was really good to see your face today" everyday.

What's in a name?

I like my name. I really do. It's always been a source of identity for me. It always set me apart, made me immediately unique. I always knew that I would be the only Kendi in the room. Unless I was at a Kendi convention and in that case, I've never met a Kendi I didn't like.

However, there are things about my name that are starting to not only annoy me but haunt me on a daily basis. Such as people spelling my name wrong on an email. A reply email. Specifically a reply email from someone who I've been emailing with for this past 4 months. "Kendee", while phenotically right, it is so very wrong.

Number of times my name has been misspelled while using all the right letters (kendie, kindi, kendee, kindie): 459

Number of times my name has been mistaken for "Candy": 1,207

Number of times people who have never met me have said "I thought you'd be black": 3

Number of times my name has been mispronounced as Kenzie, Kendra, Kennedy, Cindy, Mindy, McKenzie, Karen, and Ricky: 4,800

Number of times in a normal 5-minute conversation I have to correct my name to someone new: 4

Number of people who ask me on a monthly basis if my name is short for anything: 15

Number of times I want to say "Yes, it's short for Celeste" to those inquiries: 15

Chance that anyone will get my name right tomorrow: 67%

Chance that I will be annoyed at these mistakes: 100%

Can you hear me now?

When a feeble man of 90 asks you what kind of music you are listening to these days, DO NOT answer "Oh, you know, the oldies." This is not the right statement.

Then when he says "Like 40s Big Band?" DO NOT say "No more like the 70s."

Nothing good will come out of this conversation. This will in fact cause confusion, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea and possibly death. Of course the death part was coming anyways, but that's beside the point.

T.G.I.H.B.F.Y. (Thank Goodness I Haven't Been Fired Yet)

Another interesting week in the office. layoffs here, nail clippings there.

Nail clippings? Surely not, you say. Oh yes, that distinctive sound of whatever protein a nail is made of being sliced off by a minature machete from the flesh of a hand unmistakenly interrupted my morning. Twice. I, by the way, do not work in a salon, therefore this is not normal nor is it okay. And did I mention this happened twice? I'm thinking the first time was a manicure, the second was a pedicure.

Of course it doesn't stop there. I also heard the scheduling of a "much needed" mammogram and gynocology appointment, then someone mistook the phrase "Accounting Department" as "Kenny Departno" on the phone and couldn't understand why I didn't have their phone number (I never fully recovered that conversation), and I heard the ongoing's of the women and men's restrooms all week long. I think the stomach bug must be going around.

Oh and did i mention layoffs? Hello Friday, I thought you'd never come.

Case of the Mondays

I have managed to unknowingly make fun of someone's mentally challenged nephew and ask someone with dentures if she had a tooth ache.

it's not even noon, and I can already tell this is not going to be a good day.