UBP

Somoene brought an unidentified baked product to work today. It looks looks like wheat bread with chocolate chips and corn meal sprinkled on the top. Mmm, my favorite, how did you know?

I never eat office pastries, not because I'm watching my weight but because if someone brought it to work you know it's not good. I can just imagine the conversation of that unknown pastry: "This tastes like @*%$. I'm taking it to work, those savages will eat anything." Well guess what? I've taken way too many bites of something I thought was a brownie and turned out it was meatloaf. So as tempating as your are chocolate-chip-corn-meal-wheat-bread-loaf-that-probably-has-raisins-walnuts-and-dried-apples-in-it-because-people-love-crap-like-that-in-bread, I do not think so. You will not ruin my morning this time...

UPDATE: I heard that UBP suspected baker say to herself "I just can't get rid of that cake!" Ah ha! Just what I suspected, trying to pawn off nasty mistakes as edible content in the office. I also snooped around and asked people if that cake was any good. Someone said "it's light, not too sweet." which is basically the pastry equivalent to saying "she's got a good personality" about an ugly girl.

i've a got a new name to add to the list.

Penny.

Someone thought my name was Penny. That my friends is a first. I've never been confused as a Penny before. A nickel once, but never a Penny.

love you too small child i've never met.

this morning at wal-mart, i was innocently standing in the home improvement aisle when a small boy and his dad walked into my ps (personal space). this happens every once in a while, as most children have not yet learned that their breath smells like a rotting kitchen cabinent and so they cozy right on up to your face. the dad, realizing the truth about his son's breath, says to him "hey buddy why don't we let this lady have her space." and then he physically moved his son away. the 5 year old looked up at me, thought through the 150 words in his little pre-k head and said: "Okay dad. oh, she's a worker. She works here."

and just like that, with those 3 little words, my self-esteem plummeted to the ground. not that it's a bad thing to work at wal-mart and in fact i would definetly rock the khaki's and navy shirt combo on a daily basis (no boundaries, nobo) but of all of the jobs this little boy knows, the doctor, the teacher, the banker, heck even the fire fighter -- out of all of those potential careers he said I looked like an aisle-maintence worker at wal-mart. that will bring a grown woman to tears.

it's fine, it is. I learned a long time ago to not let little kids get to me. So I graciously turned around to him and said "and you little boy are what we here at wal-mart call 'a loser'." then i popped in a breath mint, gave him a quarter and told him to call someone who cares.

You know you're a bad speller when..

MIscrosoft Word spell checker has no suggestions for you and your red underlined word. I screwed up the word "responsibility" so much that Word could not even recognize what it might possibily be. When I right-clicked on it it said "No suggestions" and then I saw it silently judge me for not knowing how to spell a word correctly. In fact my machine started shaking and smoke started to come out when i googled my version of the word. Our IT department busted in like the SWAT team and they did what they could, but they said it would never recover from such a mistake. The worst part? They said that I would have to replace my machine since I was responcecyble.

Guess who got a new toy??

we did!!!

do you want to see what I did during lunch today? Of course you do, if you didn't you wouldn't be here.

pretty, right? my lunch break is pretty long so I have a few more. I might even sell some if any one is interested.

the lazy housewife

is it bad that instead of washing our dirty dishes i just want to throw them away and buy new ones? I know that you are judging me silently and that if you were here right now you would say "if you are going to be that lazy, just buy paper plates and plasticware". but we are trying to go green, so i think that i'll just recycle my dirty dishes instead.

The Way I See It #212

"A wrong order at Starbucks, is like not getting Starbucks at all. Your morning is destined to be crappy."
-- Kendi, on getting wronged on her grande vanilla iced coffee with non-fat milk order.

"my girl's day"

that is the name of an iphone app my dear husband downloaded. it keeps up with my monthly cycle, that way whenever i'm being persnickity he can check his phone and nod and say "you know your time is coming up." great another reminder. now not only does my body remind me that it's time again for all things inside to rebel, but now my husband is on board.

to the people that created this wonderful piece of technology: really? really you need an electronic calendar to keep up with this? you really need another reminder that this time is coming yet again? you really can't read the same signs from your significant other that happen around the same time every month to figure this out?

to my husband: that is not why we got you an iphone.

now if only the could create an app to take away cramps and bloating. that would be worth downloading.

Ahh, the Salad Days

The other day, some old guy saw Bryan and I together and sighed, saying "Ahh, the Salad Days." Thinking to myself, "does it look like we eat salad? we don't eat salad. maybe it's a compliment, maybe it means I look thinner. yes it must be a compliment." So I smiled and waved, then I gave Bryan a noogie just for grins.

Bryan explained to me later that 'Salad Days' simply means that you are still in love -- things are fresh and appealing. This got me thinking about the other stages in marriage. Are there 'Brisket Days'? When marriage gets tough and chewy and you go through a phase where everything tastes better with bbq sauce? (I feel like this is towards the end of life) Are there 'Ovaltine Days', when things are nutritious and delicious, but at the same time kind of bland and not as good as a milkshake? (I feel like this is early retirement) What about the 'Taco Bell days'? When marriage is fast and nasty. (middle age) The 'Cobbler Days' must be when you are still dating -- warm and gooey....

Bryan said I took this way too far. He told me to stop -- and that I always take things too far. Looks like we're approaching those dreaded Taco Bell days far too soon...

Oh well, see you on the Brisket side.

happy mac day!

we did it. we bought a mac. and in 18 days it will be ours. we did this in light of our year and half anniversary, instead of getting pregnant like most love birds. why? because we believe in logic and technology. but mostly because we are selfish. of course we did weigh the question with pros and cons: which is better -- a mac or a baby?

reasons why macs are better than babies:

you don't have to breast-feed a computer

a mac is much smarter than a baby

it comes in a box, not in a womb

it doesn't cry when left alone

it picks up wi-fi

macs are a fraction of the cost

macs don't need car seats when riding in cars

why babies are better than macs:

babies can laugh

babies freakishly look like you

1st birthday parties are way better with babies

as you can see, macs > babies. we made the responsible decision, trust us.

Models for a day.

We posed for a photographer friend of ours who was in desperate need of bridal shots for his portfolio. I said sure, let's do this, just don't set my dress on fire. Funny, I said the same thing when Bryan proposed...

 

Go here and be amazed: http://nathanrussellphotography.com/?p=353