Now I Know

Apparently saying "I want to eat your baby" is not appropriate when complimenting one's newborn child.

Well, now I know. How am I supposed to learn if I don't make a few mistakes right?

Also, I'm free for babysitting, if anyone is interested.

None of the Above

I just WebMD'd myself and found out I have either:

Gastreonitieristist
Ascaris worms
Panic attack
Cancer

Things aren't looking good for me. Thank goodness for an online doctor. I wonder where Dr. Web went to med school. Anyways, it doesn't matter any doctor that doesn't put me on a scale fully dressed and add 10 lbs to whatever number shows up is alright with me.

And since Dr. Web gave me multiple choices for my diagnosis, I figure that I get to pick my illness. I'll go with panic attack, since cancer seems drastic for a stomach ache and God knows I don't want to get ascaris worms again.

Can you hear me now?

When a feeble man of 90 asks you what kind of music you are listening to these days, DO NOT answer "Oh, you know, the oldies." This is not the right statement.

Then when he says "Like 40s Big Band?" DO NOT say "No more like the 70s."

Nothing good will come out of this conversation. This will in fact cause confusion, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea and possibly death. Of course the death part was coming anyways, but that's beside the point.

Case of the Mondays

I have managed to unknowingly make fun of someone's mentally challenged nephew and ask someone with dentures if she had a tooth ache.

it's not even noon, and I can already tell this is not going to be a good day.