Amazon knows too much.

As I scrolled down Amazon this morning, something caught my eye.

No, not Lady Gaga's scary face or the "7 Weeks to 50 Pull-Ups" book (kindle edition, no less), but the row of Corn Nuts under the category "Related to Items You've Viewed". How did Amazon know that I stood in the aisle for 30 minutes yesterday trying to figure out which flavor I wanted? This internet thing is getting kind of weird. Like ex-boyfriend who knows your favorite flavor of corn nuts weird. 

Aunt of the Year

While playing with my two-year old nephew on Christmas Eve morn, I got a toy car stuck in my hair.

No one, not even the toddler, was amused. You should also note that the car was not hurt, nor was anyone under the age of 5. Just my pride and about two inches of hair.

I know what you're thinking. The whole "run the car up your hair" trick usually works with kids. Well, this time it didn't. Neither did the "let's-not-tell-your-mom-that-aunt-Kendi-got-pulled-over" quiet game. Moving toy parts and law enforcement officials are one of many reasons we don't have kids.

To the guy who works at the front counter of our gym:

We went to the gym 4 times last week. We only saw you once. Please do not say "I only saw you once this  week, I thought you guys were giving up already?" and then wink at us. You see, that would be like me saying "I only saw you once this week. I though you got fired. Or killed." And then not winking.

Winking doesn't take the aggressive out of passive-aggressive. Neither does writing about it on a blog that you don't read.

Touche. 

What did YOU do today?

Because I made out with my dog in Paris. That's what I did.

What's in a name?

I like my name. I really do. It's always been a source of identity for me. It always set me apart, made me immediately unique. I always knew that I would be the only Kendi in the room. Unless I was at a Kendi convention and in that case, I've never met a Kendi I didn't like.

However, there are things about my name that are starting to not only annoy me but haunt me on a daily basis. Such as people spelling my name wrong on an email. A reply email. Specifically a reply email from someone who I've been emailing with for this past 4 months. "Kendee", while phenotically right, it is so very wrong.

Number of times my name has been misspelled while using all the right letters (kendie, kindi, kendee, kindie): 459

Number of times my name has been mistaken for "Candy": 1,207

Number of times people who have never met me have said "I thought you'd be black": 3

Number of times my name has been mispronounced as Kenzie, Kendra, Kennedy, Cindy, Mindy, McKenzie, Karen, and Ricky: 4,800

Number of times in a normal 5-minute conversation I have to correct my name to someone new: 4

Number of people who ask me on a monthly basis if my name is short for anything: 15

Number of times I want to say "Yes, it's short for Celeste" to those inquiries: 15

Chance that anyone will get my name right tomorrow: 67%

Chance that I will be annoyed at these mistakes: 100%

Really, Monday?

I have spilled two drinks and a whole bag of dog food, left my car running while Bryan filled it up with gas, gave my opinion a little too strongly and made fun of a blind person today. If this is a precursor to how the week is going to go, I'm going to wear knee pads tomorrow.