Antiques Anonymous

Bryan and I took a little walk downtown and ended up in an antique mall. Now I don't usual frequent antique malls for 2 reasons: 1) I have extreme ageism and I hate the smell of old people and their things. 2) I always get fooled -- I never know if it's really an antique or if it's a thrift store item masquarading as an overpriced antique. So I took some pictures of items that we were considering, you be the judge.

Mounted on a finished wood panel are two fine sets of antlers. Boring, one might say but if you look closely, right there in the middle, you will see the deer's droppings, dropped right after the hunter shot the literal crap out of him. For $145, Bryan and I could own a pair of antlers and their documented feces on a wooden plank. Pro: We could tell grand hunting stories to our guests. Con: Seems pricey for a pile of shit.












We also found this gem -- it's like the antique gods were playing a cruel joke on us and our budget. At first you just see the pretty gold frame.(If you read the note on the picture it says"Look closely...at this GORGEOUS GOLD FRAME! A real beauty! $89") But once you get past that frame, you see this really pretty picture of a waitress. I mean really pretty. So we're thinking $89 is pretty good for a two-for-one deal. Pro: I can tell people that's my mom and I painted it. Con: I've yet to find one.
















But then we found this little guy, Lil' Clogged Bottoms:

You say useless, I say priceless.













It was a hard decision, the process was long and grueling, and Bryan and I are still not talking, but we ultimately decided to go with this:

$12.99 and we never looked back.