1985

As it so happens this time of year, and every year as I'm figuring out, people start buying scary costumes, decorating with pumpkins and start talking about my birthday. [Side note 1: As for the costume decision, go with the Burger King guy costume. For$70 bucks it looks like the real deal. Side note 2: We're dressing Carlos up as Obama. Stay tuned. ] Side notes outs, back to me. I don't like my birthday for one thing and I certainly don't like my 24th birthday. It's freaking looming over me, haunting me with every day that passes. I'm not being dramatic, it really is. So I've made a list of why I don't want to turn 24.

Here is why I don't want to turn 24 and why I will stay 23 until I turn 25, maybe, unless I decide to stay 23:

1. I definetly don't want to turn 24 because when people ask my age, I'll say"24" and they'll say "Oh, do you watch the show?" And they will leave me no choice other than to punch them in the face and walk off.

2. Because people will now think that it is an acceptable age to start having babies. 23 sounds young, 24 sounds just right. Well my internal clock still thinks I'm 16, and I'm not telling her any different.

3. No one will card me at the movie theatre anymore. I know that the day I turn 24, all of my skin will fall off and it will be replaced with an old, dirty, crinkled paper-sack face. I will have so many wrinkles people will ask to see my medicaid card more than my i.d.

4. Because it's not cool to be 24 and unemployed. I bet if you asked 100 14 year olds where they want to be in 10 years, 100% would NOT say "be 24 and unemployed."

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Suzy?" "Unemployed and not looking."

5. It is no longer classified as young and reckless, it will be classified as old and irresponsible.

6. I can't sneak into highschool classes and pretend for a day that I'm 18. Technically, I've never done that, but I wish that I would have now that I'm too old.

7. I'll probably be asked to go on youth trips, not as the fun, crazy and young chaparone but the old, mean lady who hangs around young people just to feel life again.

8. I can't shop at forever21 anymore.

9. Because I like being 7 years away from 30 than 6 years away.

10. Because I have an extreme case of ageism, and with every birthday I have I am closer and closer to becoming one of them.

11. Because my 24th birthday would just so happen to fall on a Monday. And I friggin hate Mondays. In fact, I hate Monday so much that I have now change it's name to Doomsday. So great, my 24th birthday is now on Doomsday.

There is only one antidote to my problem: gifts. Make them good this year.