I just ate at Cracker Barrel. (America's answer to anorexia:"Just eat some mo' biscuits. You'll be fine.") I got all my christmas shopping done. And I didn't have to chew one thing on my plate. Mmmm soft food and gift shops with Kenny Rogers singing something soft and magical to me in the background. Now I'm gonna get in my SUV and drive 1 mile back to my house and then complain about how high gas is.
I love America. And America loves me.
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