Dearest Close-Talking Co-Worker,
I don't know what I did to deserve your hot breath in my small face, but I regret it. I am not sure if I need to draw a ruler on my hand and hold it out 6 inches to serve as a reminder that anything less is much too close. I don't know if I should wear a face mask like dentists wear in order to keep from vomiting at the end of every conversation we have. Please tell me what to do. It's not that I don't like you, in fact I never know what you are saying because your breath spells out G-R-O-S-S and that's all I can see or hear until you close your mouth and stop the violation.
Tell me, co-worker, what does your family do when you come around at holidays? Do they wear garlic around their necks because that smells better than what did in your throat? Do they start cooking onions, bell peppers, and fish when you arrive to curb your breath's effect on the air? I'm going to need their contact info if our work-only relationship lasts much longer.
Look, we could be friends, best friends, if only you would stop talking into my face. And you keep your mouth closed. Just think about it.
xoxo,
K
1 comment:
OMG. One time, a close-talker at work totally SPIT while she was talking to me, and the spit landed ON MY BOTTOM LIP. I just kept nodding and listening, because I was afraid that if I made a face or wiped it away, she would notice what she did and feel uncomfortable! Sooooo gross I can't take it!!! aaagggghhhh!!!
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