dear real world/corporate setting/employer:
i currently have the whitest, pastiest, toothpaste color skin that i have ever had in my life and I blame you. my skin hasn't seen sun in years. YEARS. or at least since i've entered the workforce. in fact, someone the other day commented on my pale skin and then tried to make me feel better by listing disney charecters that also flaunt pale skin: snow white, sleeping beauty, cinderella's step mom. this did not make me feel better. it just made me feel white and sad.
a girl at my world told me about the "magic bed" at a tanning salon here in town. supposedly 5 minutes a day for 1 week makes you really tan, like carribean tan. but i don't really like it when my body starts to smell like KFC because i'm tanning from the inside out. and it's $80. and that my friend, is an expensive way to fry. also, the name scares me. i don't want to get pregnant while getting an artificial tanning high.
oh real world, don't be sassy. i can just hear you know, "why don't you try one of those mystic tans? " why? i'll tell you why. because the last time i fake-baked, the tanning solution didn't take to my body, no, instead it all went to my face. and apparently i asked for the pumpkin tint, because my head was orange and i heard someone call me pumpkin face.
i just want to be tan. and get paid. all i'm asking for is just a little break from 2-4 every day so that i can layout with an iced tea from starbucks. look, i get it, i do. this is the real world, i need to accept it and move on like every other pasty adult.
All I'm saying is that I give you 40 hours of my life each week, why not give 8 back? it's just fair. actually, it's not really even fair, but i'll let that slide when i look more like pocahantas that snow white.
just think about, ok?
sincerely,
kendi
(note: i read this to my husband and he replied: "you're not that white." emphasis on that. which i think he was referring to the toothpaste comment. so i am not as white as toothpaste. hooray.)
1 comment:
do you remember the time when you were interviewing for a job at a tanning salon and told the owner you really don't tan very much because you have a fear of getting skin cancer? classic.
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