if i was wynonna judd

i would make this note to myself: never stand next to carrie underwood when a camera is around. you look like a transvestite version of a transvestite.

also, start washing your face at night and stop wearing that large, red wig. it's not as natural-looking as you think. you should have never bought it from that convincing asian women at the mall kiosk. i bet you bought those dead sea salt lotions too.

love can build a bridge, but it makes a terrible weave.