The last few weeks Bryan and I have come to an understanding: We don't speak "baby." From the confusing aisles of Babies 'r' Us (for a shower gift) to saying "what the hell" and other soft explicitives around a 2 1/2 year old, we've decided that either 1 of 2 things must happen before we are able to become parents. We must quit our side jobs as sailors and wash out our dirty mouths, and somehow become moral, responsible people.
It's not that we don't want kids; I mean just the other day I was picking out which kid I wanted ours to look like from a J.Crew catalog. But I don't think that a trip to Babies 'r' Us should end in tears and a trip to the nearest bar, if you are a good parent. (I couldn't even find the registry kiosk in that store. And did you know that there is a whole wall of pacifiers?!? ) There are just so many questions that need to be answered before we are parents. That's why I've created this quiz. Feel free to try it out, if you too are on the fence about having kids.
1. Have you ever locked your keys in your car while it was still running?
A. Yes
B. No
2. Have you ever dropped something very important and broke it?
A. Yes
B. No
3. Do you drive a trouble-some Saturn Ion?
A. Yes
B. No
4. Do you have trouble showering, brushing your teeth and getting yourself to work on time everyday?
A. Yes
B. No.
5. Does the show "A Baby Story" on TLC offend you?
A. Yes
B. No
6. Do you think "goo goo gah gah" is actually a form of baby language?
A. Yes
B. No
7. True or False: Babies do not need to be fed more than 1x a day.
8. True or False: Baby Powder comes from babies.
9. True or False: Fergie is a good name for a baby.
If you are like me and have answered "Yes" or "True" to all of these questions, keep playing it safe. And take my advice – stay far, far away from Babies 'r' Us and toddlers. They will only make you feel large, inferior and evil.
2 comments:
OMG. I totally took your quiz, and it told me that I should not become a parent any time, ever. I'm already a godmother, and that's probably as close as I should chance it.
Plus, I forgot to bring up the whole "what to do about really inappropriate movies for children like 28 Days Later and/or Boogie Nights" subject. Because I'd want to be one of those parents who's like "No sorry, it's a movie for grown-ups" and still leave them mixed in with all the other movies, but something tells me, I'd walk in on my kid totally watching Sex and the City, and they'd be like "Mom, this is the one where Carrie's boyfriend wants to pee on her, but she thinks it's a dealbreaker."
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