possible side effects

You guys, I shot 'roids yesterdays. That's right, steroids. Well technically cortisone for my allergies, but still. Steroids -- There not just for baseball players and junkies anymore. They are also for allergy sufferers. I know that it was to help me breath better but today when I woke up I just felt stronger, you know? I drank a cup of raw eggs, like normal and then did my regular weight-lifting routine. I accidentally broke one of the weight machines at the gym. Barry Bonds came over and asked for my autograph. I think that I'm going to go back to the doctor later on today to see if I can get another hit. Oh and I also punched someone in the face and broke a door, but those are just minor details.

On the topic of being sick, my dad and I were talking tonight about how frightening some side effects are on certain drugs. My dad has started taking medicine that most likely will cause a large rash somewhere on his body. He read me the other side effects -- nausea, heartburn, indigestion. Okay maybe he was reading me the back of a Pepto Bismol bottle but it got me thinking. How come side effects are always negative? Wouldn't that be great if there were positive side effects?

Instead of listing "possible brain aneurysm" or "possibility to lose sight and consciousness" this is what I wish were on the back of my allergy medicine as possible side effects:

- may cause a sale at Anthropologie

- may cause people to like you more

- may cause a slight increase in your bank account and overall well-being

you may also experience:

- an all expense paid 7-day cruise for you and 5 friends

- a raise and promotion at work

- increased chances of winning the lottery

Now that would be a drug that I would be willing to take. I'll be in the gym if you need me.