It's happened. I just did the inevitable mom bend-over. I knew this would happen one day, but not so soon. You know what I'm talking about -- the most un-sexy, pragmatic bend over possible. You aren't familiar? Let me explain.
Drop something small while standing.
Prepare your knees, they should be shoulder-width apart. The wider, the better.
Bend not only at your knees but also at your hips, keeping your legs wide. You should be able to stick your head in between and wave if necessary.
Make sure your butt is sticking straight up and out. Also, this will make you look about 30 lbs heavier, instantly.
Stay in this position for 10 or more seconds.
Do this right in front of your husband. He will pretend to ignore you, but his mind is ensuring the suspicions that the best years are now in the past.
Three years of marriage and I've lost all of the sexy I borrowed from the TBS-edited episodes of Sex in the City. I brought sexy back just to put sweatpants on her and pull her unwashed hair into a tight, uneven bun.
The mister is doomed.
14 comments:
Half way through your description of the non-sexy bend...I realize that I've fallen victim. Worse... others have fallen victim to viewing such in public.
Damn.
Lol, you are so funny! It reminds me of the commercial that plays around Christmas time with the mom bending over in her red robe. The kid says "Santa, is that you!?" Too funny!
We should alert all women of the inevitable bend.
Just Better Together
Haha! I feel like this should be a Public Service Announcement to women everywhere. I definitely know I've done it. Probably in public.
HAHA my mom ALWAYS does this.
Why? Why does it happen??
Kendi, this needs a complete picture tutorial of what this is and how to avoid it in the future. Husbands and innocent bystanders everywhere I begging you.
I think my boyfriend, and I lost the sexy along time ago. After four years together it surprising we can even stomach each other at all.
My Heart Blogged
Hilarious blog - love it all!
Oh I've got the mom bend down pat, complete with Serena Williams-esque groan. And the only thing I'm mothering is my dog...
Just found your blog and its hilarious and so true.
haha! that reminds me of legally blonde! love your humor! come enter my giveaway :)
Just found your blog via Fresh Out of Lemons and loooove it! I think we can all relate to those "oh no, when did I get this bad" moments - just do something sexy (like wear a sassy lipstick while watching a movie together in your pjs) - one sexy deed erases 3 unsexy one; at least in my world.
First time at your blog, can't stop laughing, you're hilarious :)
another new reader here, and you've got me laughing out loud, thinking of all my awkward mom bend overs, and completely hooked on your blog! hilarious.
omg I just stumbled upon your blog and I have to say I was hysterical laughing through some of your posts...seriously love your honesty and wit, girly. This post is fantastic...the whole bend and snap thing...yahhh...brilliant!
Post a Comment