Slow News Day in Kerrville

Man Takes Blu-Ray from Wal-Mart:
http://www.dailytimes.com/story.lasso?ewcd=dfe3d345afd3bbfd

Everyone lock your doors, a geek is on the loose. Next up: Grass continues to grow in local residents yard.

lessons from a newlywed #27

what do you do for dinner when you only have frozen corn and toaster strudels in your freezer? you leave. you leave and you go to a friend's house, a restaurant,a wedding reception, a gas station -- anywhere with warm food. And you never look back. that's what you do.

compliments

someone told me they liked my top today. I said i liked their bottom.

freakin' monday

Have you ever had a morning when a co-worker starts listening to classical music very loudly while whistling a completely different song and then another co-worker begins cutting boxes with a freakin chainsaw and then another starts heavily typing a text message on her old nokia that plays musical notes with each letter typed all while you are just trying to type a simple email and then you decide to go to the bathroom and when you get there you see that someone stopped it up so you have to plunge it -- even thought it's not even yours to plunge -- like you would even do that in public let alone at work, sick -- and you know that everyone can hear you slosh the toliet water around and you can just feel them assuming that you stopped up the toliet at 9:07 a.m. even though all you wanted to do was go pee?

I don't think I can handle today, today.

because nothing says breakfast like powder sugar and bacon

I just found the grossest breakfast recipe ever. An apple bacon cheese sandwhich with --get this-- powdered sugar on it.

I may or may not have been searching for bacon recipes. I'll never tell.

bacon

I think we've eaten bacon at 85% of our meals in the past week. We had it twice today. We even bought another pound of it last night in anticipation of eating MORE BACON. I don't know what's wrong with us, but suddenly we are throwing bacon into every meal. We have even started planning our meals around bacon. Our house smells like bacon. Our clothes smell like bacon. I even saw bacon grease smudges on some papers at work today. I put a piece of mint gum in my mouth and wished it tasted like bacon. I accidently called Bryan, "Bacon" this morning as I was waking him up.

Oh my gosh. I am so ashamed.

Win a $1000 (kind of)

If you are NOT related to me, then go here: www.jamesavery.com/lovetoshare

Share a nice story about your mother and if your story receives the most votes by May 10th, you can win a $1,000 James Avery gift card. Do this to save my job.

And if you are related to me, I have a seperate contest going on. Email me your favorite story of me and I'll send you an autographed 16 x 20 picture of myself. :{ ) It's just that simple.

If multi-vitamins are wrong, I don't want to be right

Today I got to work at 7:59 am. This was a monument for me. My only consistency in life is being late, and here I was 1 minute early. I had people coming around to my cubicle and ask "Why are you here?" I deflected their inqueries by saying "April Fool's". That really confuses the older ones.

Then I worked like a maniac all day long. I was knocking out tasks left and right. And then came the down fall. I told my boss I felt like I was on crack. And I forgot to say "because I"m working so hard." No, I just said "I feel like I"m on crack." And then I accidentally forgot my boss wasn't just my co-worker and I jokingly called her a bitch. I feel a random drug test coming on.

Honestly though, it wasn't crack. I just doubled up on Instant Breakfast and a multi-vitamin.

"that's funny, I thought you were wearing a wig"

I think my hair is playing an April Fool's Day joke on me.

hey! that's not progress...

Well, in just 3 short months we've gone from the hopes of running a half marathon to a 10k to a 3k to a "let's just run 3x a week, for 30 minutes."

I fear the next level is a half-eaten box of krispy kreme's laced with oreos and fried pork rinds. I'll let you know. Or maybe you'll let me know, the next time you see my fat ass coming your way. How will you know it's me? Oh you'll know. I'll be the one that leaves a trail of bread crumbs behind me, only because it's hard to eat a footlong while walking.

Anywho -- I did find some inspiration tonight at the "exercise stations" Kerrville tax dollars + city hall employees set up around the track. It's really detailed pictograms showing more excercises to do, like so:


<


Like looking in a mirror, I tell you. Like looking in a mirror.

Why does the show "Biggest Loser" always make me crave ice cream while simultaneously making me want to go run a half-marathon??