I asked my husband what he wants for lunch...

I hope he says dirty dishes. That would be easy.

things they don't tell you when you get married #35

Do not iron your husband's clothes. You start one day as a favor, to be nice. And to be honest he did the dishes so it was a nice exchange. WRONG. He will use his cute little husband face and take advantage of your housewife skills and your low tolerance for saying no to him and he will ask you to iron his outfit every day.

This is why I don't make dinner every night, he'd get in the habit of liking it. This is precisely why.

Life is not a competition.

The best part of living in a retirement community is that I am the fastest one on the walking trail. I speed by the canes and the tennis-ball footed walkers and I don't even break a sweat. Until lap two, I break a sweat on lap two.

Life is not a competition. But if it was, I would totally win at walking. Probably not in my age group, but in the 70+ age group I would be a champion.

wait...that's not an apology

Bryan and I got in a fight the other day. This is how it went.

"Well, I am sorry....that you were wrong."

"I am sorry as well...that you are stupid."

"I'm sorry you don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm sorry that you don't comprehend what I say."

"Apology accepted."

"Me too."

Then we hugged and got some frozen yogurt. All's well that ends well.

Guess what I use as a bean bag? A raisin.

If you haven't seen this, watch it. It's adorable.

If you have seen this, watch it again. It's adorable.

How to Make Adult-only Mac & Cheese

First, make macaroni and cheese. But instead of juvenile macaroni use different, more sophisticated noodles. I choose cavatappi, simply because they are too big to fit into kid's tiny mouths.



Now the second part is really important to making your adult-only mac and cheese.

Add wine.



With the wine moat around your cheese castle, kids won't be able to touch it. Kids hate wine. It's a fact.

Bon Appetit.

Snack Time

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

To sum up my dream last night:

• I had a baby.
• It came out with a full set of teeth and I wasn't sure if I should breastfeed.
• My mom advised me NOT to breastfeed to a baby with a full set of teeth.
• I gave the baby Capn' Crunch cereal for dinner instead.
• I was concerned as how to carry the baby because no one gave me a Baby Bjorn.
• Bryan finally named the baby Sydney Angel. We got in a fight.
• I went to a barbecue.

It's weird. My subconscious doesn't remember that I don't eat meat. And that I'm not pregnant. And that I'd never name by baby Sydney. It's Kyndey, that's what I want to name my baby.

What did YOU do today?

Because I made out with my dog in Paris. That's what I did.

This Much We Know

B and I decided that we should write a book about marriage entitled: "This Much We Know or How to Stay Together Forever." it would only have 3 pages and the first two would be pictures of us, most likely running towards each other in a grassy field. The third page would have these simple rules:

1. If you would like to have bedroom time, do not try out new impersonations of people you know, especially relatives.

2. If your house smells like hotgarbagetrashcanmelt, go ahead and check the trash before blaming the aforementioned smell on your partner's bad breath. This tip alone will save your marriage.

3. If you happen to get into a fight, be the first one to laugh. Yes, your partner will automatically think that he's won, but you got the last laugh. (wink)

4. Dinner can be cooked by anyone in the marriage.

5. Always remember the golden rule: tis better to give, than to receive. And by give I mean shop, and by receive I mean to save. Just make sure the spending is fair. And by fair I mean 60% to the wife, 30% to the husband, 10% to the wife.

6. Maybe the most important rule of all -- do not ever pronounce marriage as "mawwaige" especially before the words counseling or vows.

What's in a Surname?

Someone asked for my email address over the phone today at work. Since my name is hard for 70% of all Americans to understand (85% for Canadians) I spelled it out for her.
 
"k-e-n-d-i" -- she stopped me and repeated it back to me slowly. I confirmed. Yes, Kendi is my first name.
 
"dot" -- "dot" she said, "as in a period?" Yes, as in a period.
 
"s-k-e-e-n" she stopped again. I could hear the confusion in her pause.
 
"Skeen? Is that your last name?"
 
To which I answered, "No. 2003 is my last name but that email address was taken so I randomly chose Skeen."  Fine, I didn't actually say that but I did answer with a swift "No" which further confused her. Oh and look "confusing a random caller" was on my to-do list. Mission accomplished. 

Bad Music Monday

This video will mess you up.


I hope your Monday was better than this video.